I have just about a week left here in Fort Collins, and I have been experiencing all the emotions. Sadness that I will soon be leaving the community I love and have invested so much time, energy, blood, sweat, and tears. Happiness and excitement that I am going on a new adventure and progressing my career. Anxiety in the idea of moving to a new country on the other side of the world. Part of me is in denial, as I try to push away all these emotions. I am going to miss my friends and family the most, but those who are closest, will always remain. I am going to miss my routines, and favorite spots around town, from my coffee shops like the Bean Cycle, to my favorite eateries like Aloha Café and the Colorado Room. I will miss Colorado weather and FoCo summers! I will miss my roommates and my downtown apartment. Hell, I'll miss my drive to and from game night down in Denver. There is so much I will miss. But I know there will be new memories, new routines, new eateries, and new friends (not that the old will ever be replaced). I really hope my friends come visit me in Budapest!
It wouldn’t be a proper post if I didn’t at least bring up the political. A part of me is grateful to be leaving this mess that our country is in right now, but that is very selfish, and the other part of me knows I should be staying here to fight! But hopefully I will be gaining new knowledge, skills, and tactics to come back and fight. While I would like to believe that while I am gone, America will get its shit together, and I will come home to a more thoughtful and gracious America, the reality is, many of the problems will still be here when I get back, and it doesn’t seem they will be getting better any time soon. So I need to come back more armed and ready to try and create change. We are more divided in this country now, than any time in my memory. There is a serious lack of empathy in this country, as well as high levels of ignorant hatred, which brings me back to Fort Collins.
Fort Collins is not the perfect community. It has a long way to go. It is very white. It's lack of diversity, and the way it tries to claim how diverse and "woke" it is makes me sick. It is starting to be very expensive and over populated. But even with all these problems, it is still my community, and there are people and programs here working to fight some of these problems. Somedays it feels like a losing battle, as greed, hate, and anger show up in the community, and somedays it feels like this a great community with all the answers (though I know it doesn’t). All of this to say, I will miss this place, and I do hope I am able to return to this community for a long time. But for now, I must leave.