The Process of Falling

Falling

Falling in love

Falling together

Falling leaves, leaves of Fall

Falling out of love

Falling to pieces

Falling to death

Falling

 

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There is something romantic about Fall

Death so near, death all around us

The want and need to hold on to those so close to us

So we cling to it as tight as possible 

The recognition of the finite

Knowing the pain and suffering of winter is coming

Spring is birth, renewal, beginnings

Summer is fun, exploration, adventure

Fall though, fall is the golden years, enjoyment, and appreciation

Knowing that Winter, death, reflection and regret will soon be upon us

So hold the fall, and love it for all it is

Cadences

Oh mama mama can't you see
What the Army's done for me

They made me, not me
They changed me
You can't see me
You don't know me
There is no me, only we

What kind of soldiers are there?
The quick and the dead
What are you? The quick!
What are they? The dead!

The cadence stays the same
As they drill death into your head
Death of the enemy
Death of your friend
Death of your mother
Death of your lover
Death of your self
But in the end the only real death is your innocence 

Left right left right left right kill
Left right left you know I will

Trained to kill
Kill a father
Kill a sister
Kill a haji
Kill anyone that gets in your way
But bit by bit, soldier by soldier, we keep killing ourselves as well
And for what or for who

How does the green grass grow
Blood blood blood drill sergeant

Who's blood
Our blood
The poor's blood
A farmers blood
Innocent blood
But not the blood of the rich
Nor the blood of a politician

C130 Rollin down the strip
Recon scouts on a one way trip

They said fight for your country
Fight for the flag
Fight for your brothers
Fight for patriotism
They don't care what you fight for
Just that you do
And they'll use your death so others can fight too

If I die in a combat zone
Box me up and ship me home
Pin my medals upon my chest
Tell my mama I did my best

Or maybe tell her the truth
That I died for a bullshit war
That I died so some asshole could get rich
That I died in vein
That I died when I enlisted
That I died before I went to war
And I'll never come back, even if I live

 

The Bullet and the Gun

The bullet and the gun, copper and steel, the squeeze of the trigger, the rush of adrenaline.
We're taught the bullet and the gun is an extension of us, reach out and touch someone they say.
In Iraq, the bullet and the gun was a way of life, here it most surely means my death.
Over there the bullet and the gun plays politics with innocent lives, while at home the innocence lost is realized.
In war it is a shame when the bullet and the gun go unused, in peace it is a tragedy when it is.
The bullet and the gun, once so easy to use, now seems like an only option.
I once felt safe with the bullet and the gun, now their coldness dangerously caress my lips.
I thought the bullet and the gun was to protect them, but now I think it is to end to the misery I have caused them.
22 brothers and sisters find refuge in the bullet and the gun everyday, I fight everyday to not be one of them.
And yet the bullet and the gun calls like a siren in the night, tempting to be used while screaming "why" to the flashing of red and blue lights.
The bullet and th... 

Blood and Tattoos

Black ink like my heart
Covers my skin
Covers my scars
Brings me back again
To all those dreams
That became my lies
Another day
Another life

Blood and tattoos
Whiskey and you
The pain it hurts
But it keeps me true
I'd try to forget
But I can't undo
This blood and tattoos
Whiskey and you

The years have passed
And your still there
In my mind
In my stare
I drive all night
I drive all day
I try and I try
But I can't escape

Blood and tattoos
Whiskey and you
The pain it hurts
But it keeps me true
I'd try to forget
But I can't undo
So it's blood and tattoos
Whiskey and you

The birds they sing
Of a brighter day
So I get them tattooed
To carry me away
But not to you
Cause I know the truth
Dreams they really don't come true

It's blood and tattoos
Whiskey and you
The pain it hurts
But it keeps me true
I'd try to forget
But I can't undo
This blood and tattoos
Whiskey and you
Yeah it's blood and tattoos
And memories of you 

 

Whiskey Blanket

I'd like to drown in the shadows
But the whiskey keeps me afloat
I wish you weren't in every god damned thought
It's its own darkness
It's my own curse
And every day it just gets worse
So I drink to stay alive
Drink to forget
At the end of the day, the drinks all I get

Cause I yearn to live, but long to die
With every drink, I try and try
To drown you out, but still I sink
Cause about me, you no longer think
So I return to the one thing that I know
My whiskey blanket that keeps me warm

The bottom of a bottle is where I'll be
But please don't feel sorry for me
Cause I paved my road
I made my bed
Someday soon I hope to make my amends

And I yearn to live, but long to die
With every drink, I try and try
To drown you out, but still I sink
About me, you no longer think
So I return to the one thing that I know
My whiskey blanket that keeps me warm

Now I awake, cold and alone
My head hurts and you're still gone
So I drag myself back to the pub
Knowing now, that I fucked up
And one more drink, is not enough

Now I yearn to live, but long to die
With every drink, I try and try
To drown you out, but still I sink
Cause about me, you no longer think
So I return to the one thing that I know
My whiskey blanket that keeps me warm

Current State of Affairs

Years of fear have brought us here
Anger grew to hate
No one listens, no one talks
Now we fear our fate

Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles
We're all torn apart
Everything we're supposed to love
We somehow have forgot

Until we listen we will not know
What others talk about
Stop the brain stop the pain
And listen with your heart

The walls must fall that divide us all
That keep us far apart
Bridges heal, bridges grow
Give us a new start

So stop the tears, and stop the fears
We need something new
Building love, building trust
building what is true

So take my hand we'll march together
Fight to live a new forever
Here for you, here for me
Here for all those that will be

And when we win, they will know
We fought with all our heart and soul
Fought for justice, Fought for life
Always fighting for what's right

 

Happy Birthday

June 9th 2000: The Devils win the Stanley Cup! 
Garett’s carrying a keg above his head. 
This place is CRAZY!

June 9th 2001: Twenty one! Limousine! Downtown Denver!
Avs beat the Devils in the Stanley Cup!
The Hungry Strangers are born!

June 9th 2002: Wow this year has been crazy!
Joined the Army, 9/11 happened, Went to basic
No we’re in Germany drinking at O’shea’s for our Birthday

June 9th 2003: Kosovo, this place is hell!
Cold in the winter, hot in the summer...
What the Fuck are we doing here?

June 9th 2004: Damn, I wish we were back in Kosovo, Iraq sucks!
130 degrees outside...
And guess what, getting shot at on he birthday! Fuck!

June 9th 2005: Been out of the military for 9 days. Should I be happy? 
My grandmother’s in the hospital and is going to die.
Why don’t I feel anything?

June 9th 2006: One more drink to help me forget
One more pill to kill the pain
Fighting for the numbness, that I hate so much...

June 9th 2007: It gets better, if you let it.
It gets better if you try.
Begin to put the pieces together and remake sense of everything

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This is a poem I wrote in 2013 at a Warrior Writers workshop and it was published in the Warrior Writers 4th Anthology.